9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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