I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
