it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.