somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID