you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.