i just had sex bonerless
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.