im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
