the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.