I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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