i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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