do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
