I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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