Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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