i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
