WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
where does the pee come out of this thing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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