After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
