question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
