Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
