we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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