you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
