You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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