I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
