Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
