i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
