You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Two words: blizzard sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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