we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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