I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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