I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
