he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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