THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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