Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
