Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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