I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
