I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
