I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
