Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
