When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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