Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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