Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
