we're chasing vodka with high fives
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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