I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
