The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
