he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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