At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
