If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
