I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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