Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
