well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
