Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
