Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They took my balls.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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