You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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