i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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