great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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