Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
