Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
