you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
