This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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