If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
