How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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