Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
