im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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