Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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