I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We left the knife in your bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
