Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
