she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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