I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
