You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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