Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!