He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
