Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.