he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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