I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
