I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
false alarm, still single
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