Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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