dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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