peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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