I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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