drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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