he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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