Im at strip club and am horny
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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