I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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