My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
