Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
