I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
